Cruelty to animals

The other day I received a phone call from the insurance providers carrying Moe and Roo. On this particular call they were inquiring about Moe.

They have to call and do an assessment over the phone asking all sorts of questions from physical health to mental health. They want to know their developmental delays and concerns (which is why I am so hard core keeping them on target OR ahead of the game.)

Anyhoo... One of the questions they asked was if Moe was mean/abusive to animals. I told them "NOOOO, it's the exact opposite. He LOVES animals and will go up to ANY animal and LOVE on it."
I guess this guy got the memo.

If we let them...

...they would freeze in a matter of minutes.

Upon awakening from their naps the boys were asked if they were ready to go back outside to play. I was busy gathering dry clothes for them to winterize in when I look up to see my sweet Bear "Ready. Outside, play".

Well you see, sweet boy, you are going to need lots more layers if you are going to do anything more than stand on the porch for 2 minutes.

Oh right. Winterizing just means getting your rain boots on to keep your feet dry.

There then, that does it. Let's get out there and have some fun!

On another note.. here is one that didn't care for the cold too much. He was playing in it when they were outside earlier running around but that was all he wanted of it. Our Duke is NOT a winter fan.

Court review

Today I had a court hearing to attend for Roo. Bio mom did not show. Nobody was surprised; Roo is one of multiple children that has been removed from her that she has not fought for.

However a twist...

The alleged father and his parents were there. He has been claiming from day one that baby Roo is not his. Today he came to state the same before the judge.

A DNA test has been put in play. They didn't seem interested one way or the other.

As we were leaving the courthouse I was talking to them as just a "stranger" and I asked the parents as their son ran to the car, if they were his parents. They agreed and I told them that Roo was in our home and that we love him with all our hearts. The weight that I saw lift from their shoulders was almost visible.

They both sighed and said "THANK YOU!". "We are so glad he is in a good home". I told them that we are adoptive parents and when a child placed with us comes into care that we can adopt we do just that. They seemed RELIEVED.

I cannot say one way or the other that he is or is not dad. He kind of looks like the guy BUT he looks IDENTICAL to his mother... yes the mother and this guy look a lot alike to me. hmmm. So the DNA will be an interesting find.

We are so blessed by his being here in our home! He is growing like a weed and doing great since coming home. He is now a month old and is weighing 9 lbs. He is still in NB clothing and is in between NB and size 1 diaper. He is a precious little boy and we couldn't be happier!

On the Moe front. This weekend he went to stay with his mother for the whole weekend. We have to drive an hour and a half to meet her half way. It was a fun road trip but she called to say she'd be running late. OH SURE... what are we to do with a newborn, and two - two year olds while you take your time getting here! UGH.

Returning him was the same. She called to say that she couldn't meet me there at the time that was planned. I couldn't go any later due to prior commitments for the evening. So we agreed that if she couldn't get him there by the allotted time then she'd have to bring him the whole way home, She agreed. THEN she called to say that her ride was not able to drive her here that afternoon. So I said that she could just bring him home the next morning. AGREED.

THEN I call our CW to let her know what was going on and she was ruffled! She says this is totally unacceptable and she was going to call the mother. She did and called me back. Mom will bring Moe home tomorrow and this will not be happening again!

This will NOT look good in court.

On a good note though, he was doing well. He was clean and happy. I cannot say much for all the stained clothing that came back with him but he was happy and no tantrums when he came home. I am totally happy about that! Used to it was a mad house the days before his ONE HOUR visits. He would just know the day before a visit and go into this mad rage of hitting and screaming through the nights. We'd have to hold him through it and just comfort him. We never told him the visits were coming, nor did we build anything up... he just knew, even at such a young age.

This time was so much better though and that pleases my heart. Now if she could just get her keaster where it is supposed to be WHEN she is supposed to be there we'd be in business!

All is well and we have another appointment for Roo (a check up) this Thursday. I will be relieved to hear how he is doing in his lungs. He has been coughing again but not all day. Maybe once a day but it sounds like a "clean cough". He also sounds congested in his nasal cavities. I aspirate his nose but that only does so much before it is there again.

BUT we have all been experiencing allergies out here. The cedar trees are "shaking" (releasing pollen) and you can see it when it happens. I know it is the culprit for my allergies and Bear's too. OH, and let's not forget our poor pooch, Duke. He too has been cursed with allergies! CRAZY insane that we have to buy our dog allergy pills. We used to use Benadryl but it is no longer strong enough. EEESH!

When did this happen

My baby is growing up. I mean I knew it was inevitable BUT, WHEN exactly do they take that plunge and just do it. Like they just couldn't ease into it. I woke up one day and there was this kid in my baby's bed. I like this kid just fine but WHERE did my baby go?

I really like this kid come to think of it. He reminds me a lot of my baby so I am okay with him staying around. Actually I LOVE him. He is a precious little boy and loves like none other. He is so polite and enjoys learning.

Yesterday at dinner after grace was said, Bear looks at us and says, "Thank you Mommy, Thank you Daddy". You, my wonderful son, are so very welcome!

I sure hope he tells me when he is ready for college! I would be very sad to wake up tomorrow to find a grown man where my baby boy once slept.

Home at last

They let us go yesterday on good behavior!

The dr.s came in yesterday and said that he has been doing so well that they would like to do a chest x-ray and if it came back clear we could go home to finish out oral meds for the remaining 3 days.

It came back clear!

We are home.

The transition to be home is a bit overwhelming for me for it feels like I don't even live here anymore. I have a bunch of unpacking, organizing, scheduling and just RESTING that needs to be done.

Thus far EVERYONE is in good health again. The boys have a bit of a cough and runny nose but nothing contagious anymore. It is just the back end of the cold on it's way out.

Now on to scheduling dental appointments, well child appointments, Early Childhood Intervention appointments, and visits for an hour with dad every Week and with mom every other weekend. None for Roo still... as it seems there won't be any for him. This is looking SO promising for us. But we won't count our children just yet.

No rest for the weary. J did, however, take off this week so that we could get things back in swing full motion. I am so thankful he did. We make a great team and I need him with me to make it through this transition time.

We have been told that we are not to take Roo out in public until after Easter and to try and limit visitors due to it being a BAD sickness season and for some reason this year has been TERRIBLE. So a lot of staying in we will be doing. That is okay though. We like healthy children more than going out!

The only thing we cannot control is, when Moe leaves to be with his dad or mom, the condition in which they bring him back. Mom mainly b.c dad's visits are supervised at CPS bldg. But who's to say he will NOT be sick himself. Okay I am worrying myself here. But after a week and a half in the hospital... I cannot be blamed. That stuff is NOT desirable. I will just trust the Lord that HE will protect our home and that all our children will be kept safe.

Happy Valentine's Day from the Wachsmann's

I love my boys! :)

Love this face

Doesn't he look great. You'd never know he is sick. He is such a great baby and I am so pleased to be his mother.He is now off of his oxygen, has his drip IV out and has just been taken off of his pulse oxometer (sp?) that keeps track of his O2 saturation as well as his heart rate. He has gone to having it checked once in a while. SO in all he has been removed from everything BUT his IV line that the antibiotics are pushed through. But NO WIRES! It is so nice.

I got up and walked and danced around the room with him today totally free of obstacles. I want to leave the room BUT at this point we are not allowed out of the room with him. He is still in Isolation. I keep dreaming of the day that we will be home again with the others and we can all go out as a family. I am looking forward to a fun stay somewhere other than home for a night or two with the guys. We always have so much fun as a family just going out and exploring the world. Even more so now that the boys are older.

J has been coming up to the hospital when we find someone to stay home with the boys for a while. It is nice to have him up there with us. Even if only for a few minutes. He is missing his littlest guy as well. He is such a good daddy with his boys! They LOVE and admire him!

I brought some of Roo's toys up to his room seeing we are going to be there a while. I figure we can work on tracking and neck strengthening while we are there and he feels fine. He has been loving his mobile and tracks it so well. He has been staring me down and it is such a wonderful feeling. Especially when someone is holding him and he hears my voice and then turns to look for me! I LOVE THAT!
We have approximately 5 more days to go. I cannot believe we have been there for a week and a half! I can really but it seems so surreal, like what did we do before this? Until then we will sit here and bide our time, getting better and pressing in.
There has still been no word from bio mom. Nobody has seen nor heard from her since court 3 weeks ago. She was supposed to be getting back to our CW about her schedule ((that she apparently doesn't have)) and when she could come to visit. NOTHING! It makes me sad really... she has no idea what's going on with him... does she even care? I do. AND I KNOW what he is going through, I am and WILL stand for him! I am his mother for as long as God sees fit!

And blessed am I!

TEN and FOUR

10 is the number of days EXTRA we will be in this hospital room. Roo has pneumonia. We have already been here for 8.

4 is the number of years it has been since I gave birth to our sweet son, Samuel David Wachsmann at 17 weeks. He is greatly missed. He was so perfect in every way. His tiny foot print was the size of my thumb print. I have a piece of paper with his foot print... that is all. I barely even have a memory of him. I remember so little of that day and that hurts me.

Today is hard to be here at the hospital and dealing with the diagnosis of something awful for our new little guy. I was secretly praying that we would be walking out of the hospital today with our living "son".

God has other plans still.

Here we still sit

I have been pleased with the hospitality and level of care we have received from our Kidsville staff at the hospital. They have been super kind and have loved on our little Roo with sincere compassion. I couldn't be happier.

It feels as though after a week of being there though that it is all starting to fade. The kindness only seems short lived. Maybe it is my lack of sleep that is giving me such a different perception, but it seems that they look at us like "you are still here?"

Well, yes, as a matter of fact we are. BUT we are not here for the same reason as before! Roo has been RSV free (or at least symptom free) for two days now. His Saturation level has remained at or right under 100%. Everything seems fine with him MINUS the random fever he developed the night before we were supposed to leave.

Him being so small and born preemie they want to keep an eye on him and make sure there is nothing infecting his little body. So far they have done a spinal tap, a urine culture and a blood culture to make sure he is covered and they can rule out any infections. We have to wait another 48 hours after all the tests have been done. That was yesterday. Tomorrow will complete our 48.

They started him on antibiotics just to cover all bases in case there is something that comes back. That way they will have already started the treatment. I am thankful for the over compensation when it comes to his healthcare, truly I am. I am just tired of being there. I feel like we are "taking up their room and time".

I have been feeling the tension and am really quite frustrated at this point. He has been feeling rather irritable as well, having been poked and prodded in every place. So when I am finally able to get him calmed down, swaddled and sleeping they come in to take vitals AGAIN! So they UN swaddle him and start poking and prodding some more and REcreate the insanity of an unhappy baby boy. He has been enduring so well and has been doing so great but it is diminishing. I KNOW he is tired of being awakened and UNCOMFORTABLE, he lets it be known now. At home he was already used to his schedule and as much as we try and stay true to that at the hospital we can't help the nurses coming in to wake him up for a breathing treatment, a dose of antibiotics, blood pressure, temperature (RECTALLY), listening to his heart beat... you know the NORM!

Tomorrow is our sweet son Samuel's birthday/passing day. 4 years already! It kind of snuck up on me really. Tomorrow I really want to finally walk out of the hospital with our son. I have never been able to walk out of the hospital with our children... minus the ER trips we've encountered. Tomorrow I want that to be different. I want to hold our baby boy in my arms and leave the hospital with him and come home and enjoy him along with his brothers. It would mean so much to my heart.

I was able to come home for a while today to see our boys and have a bit of a break. It was nice to see the boys and my husband for a while. I got to sleep and rest a bit before manning the ship once J left for work tonight.

I miss my boys so much. Bear is talking so much more clear and is pronouncing words almost to a "T" now. Tonight I told him "I love you Bear" and he looks at me and says "I love you too Mama". Before it would sound something like "I lub lou too", not tonight he was pronouncing his "V" and his "Y" very well. He has learned all the individual sounds for all letters and so now he is starting to incorporate them in daily use of vocabulary. So interesting to see it in action. Especially when I have been away and hear him talking like a small adult when I come home. I cried. I feel like I have missed so much with them in just this past week.

Moe is still not able to pronounce words. I am not sure if the ear infection going unattended for so long caused long term damage or what but we work with him and he can't even mimic what you are saying for the most part. Some things he has been able to say but there just seems to be an underlying problem that is preventing him from hearing correctly OR speaking correctly. Early Childhood Intervention was supposed to come out Tuesday but we were not here so she had to reschedule. She is supposed to be assessing both Roo and Moe so that will be good to see what she says about it all. We may need to take a different approach or therapy even to get him back up to par.

So thus far we are still hanging in there. We are praying that the fever (twice now) was just a fluke and that all will be healed in his little body in Jesus name! We are all ready to get back to normal!

Ready for home!

That is the face of a little boy that is READY to get home! We all are ready to be back to normal.

All of the children are doing great. The boys at home are feeling well. They are still coughing that icky cough and have runny noses but no fevers for a week now!

Roo has been off of O2 all morning and has been staying above 95% so that is wonderful! He has to be monitored for 24 hours after off of O2 so tomorrow if all goes well we will be going home.

As I typed that I had to change a poopy diaper. I found blood in his stool so that got sent off to lab. I pray it is nothing more than irritation from all the passing of the stool from swallowing a lot of mucous. Please pray with me that it is nothing serious!

I am going to nap before heading home to watch our boys so daddy can go to work tonight.

We are so ready for us to be out of here!

From the land of nod

***UPDATE***

Roo ended up desatting last night and his O2 was started again. He may be staying over night again today. It isn't a terrible thing that he is desatting, it is just basically that he still has so much gunk in his chest and nasal cavities that he is not getting enough room air into his system.

Other than that he looks GREAT. His color is wonderful, he is able to cough up a lot of the stuff from his chest. He has had great intake and output. (feeding and diapers :)). He sounds wonderful and is even starting to "talk" a little here and there. Such a wonderful sound!

I will keep you updated as we progress throughout this day. Thank you for all your prayers. We have NOT been doing this on our own!

***Original Post***

We are still alive and getting better by the day. We have been told that Roo could go home as early as tomorrow. They are trying to wean him off of oxygen. As of now he is on so little that it shouldn't really make a difference, but it does. When they take him completely off he desats (his oxygen level goes down too low) after about 45 min. So he is still working too hard to do it all on his own and there is still too much build up in his chest that he can't seem to get past.

As I am typing this our nurse came in and turned his oxygen completely off so we will see if he can maintain his own levels.

On the home front the boys are making a great recovery. They have not had fever in about 5 days. They still have a cough and a runny nose but NOTHING like what it was. They are not as hoarse as before and the snot is clear.

I went home to be with our older guys this morning and it was a great joy to be with them. I am running on VERY LITTLE sleep and I am feeling it catching up with me. I showered, & cleaned our house while I was home and played with the guys. I gave the boys their own little chores to get done and while Bear was bringing laundry into the laundry room he looked at me and smiled and said "I am sooo happy". Sheer joy cannot even begin to explain my feeling! "I am glad you are happy Bear. I am so very glad!"

I brought my camera up to the hospital to keep Roo's time up here documented in pictures. While I was going through the pictures I found a fun surprise... J had taken some pictures of them playing "dress-up" the other day.

He has been a GREAT partner and support during this time. I cannot say that my house has stood a chance against my guys at home but they are doing great together! He has been coming up with so many fun things for the boys to do to take their mind off of being home for SO long and so long without their mommy. When I went home our furniture was all turned over and sleeping bags strewn over the tops... it was a major fort area. I just laughed.

Bear has been acknowledging his "boo-boo's" more and needs kisses to heal the pain. I have kissed more bumped heads, scraped knees, squished fingers than I can count but last night I encountered a first and an unforgettable. We were playing on the floor in the front room I was on my hands and knees chasing the boys around the floor. Bear fell and hit his bottom on the corner of their rocking chair.

OH YEAH it happened... he comes crawling backwards toward my face. I look up to see his bottom right in my face and hear the sweetest words for the most awful request "kiss it Mommy". I bust out laughing and he is continuously stuffing his rear in my face trying to get me to kiss it. At one point he looks between his legs at me and says "KISS IT MOMMY!" So I swallowed my pride and kissed his tiny hiney!

**as it has taken me about 5 hours off and on to write this Roo has been off of his O2 for just as long. He is maintaining his sats with room air. If this keeps up over night we will be discharged to go home tomorrow.** Praying for a GREAT NIGHT!

Update

Hello from the pit of sickness! Thank you Holly for filling in for me and updating on our puny family. You are precious!

We have all been kind of just bobbing around in the rough sea lately, or so it feels. We are battling a sickness that won't really show it's face to knock it out or even show a sign of when it is leaving making it REALLY hard to be optimistic about us all being well again!

I know that "this too shall pass" and I TRULY believe that. I am just having trouble seeing past the HUGE obstacles to allow the passing! Maybe it's the fogginess of my brain as I can barely function.

I feel so awful and even worse that I cannot do for my children the way they need me right now. I have been faking it and slaving away still at all the mother/wife duties in our household that need tending. But the faking has caught up with me. There is no more faking when it just runs out of your nose and you can't just keep "sucking it up"! It is time to face facts... I AM SICK! I HATE that I am sick. I am supposed to take care of the sick, right? RIGHT!

Anywho, I took Roo up to the ER last night because he was not breathing right. He has been sneezing and coughing a little but yesterday progressively it was getting worse. He was no longer able to "cough it up" and/or breathe past the blockage. He was gasping for air and that is a sight I wish I never knew. I Cannot stand watching a baby not being able to breathe. Then he started running a fever and his cries were getting faint. I told J... "I will not be able to rest with him acting like this", so I took him to the ER.

And there I sat with a gasping infant for over an HOUR. He was working super hard to breathe and his chest was caving in due to the struggle. GREAT SERVICE! His heart rate was and still remains in the 180-220's. Not good. We finally got a room to stay at 3 this morning. I finally fell asleep by 5A and then woke again at 8. I have been running on... well, prayer. Thank YOU! I feel that the boys are "enduring well" too due to all the prayers on our behalf. Again, Thank you!

Roo has been "breathing too fast" to feed. They have him on an IV drip of fluids. He has been doing great as far as sleeping through the "trauma" that he has to endure when they have to suction his nose and run tubes in the back of his nasal cavities to break up the "stuff", give him breathing treatments and an oxygen cannula in his nose. I take him from his bed with all his wires and just snuggle him in my arms on the reclining chair, resting as much as humanly possible with a precious babe sleeping in your lap.

So far J and I are taking turns caring for the others at home. He has forfeited driving for UPS for the time it takes for Roo to come home therefore he will be working at night, going in at 6 for appx 4 hours a night.

I will come home at about 4:30 to help get kids cleaned up and dinner served (We have lots of precious friends that have stepped in to help again by providing meals, and it is SUCH A BLESSING as we feel we are steadily sinking trying to stay focused on who needs what now... AND KEEPING IT ALL LOGGED FOR FOSTERING!).

In the time I am home with my boys I will bathe them and put them to bed, take myself a shower and then rest until J comes home to relieve me so that I can go back up to be with Roo. Tonight I came home to be with the guys, leaving Roo in the care of the hospital NICU staff. It felt so good to come home and see their faces light up and call out to me climbing into my lap for loving on. Oh how I cannot wait for them to be better! ALL OF THEM!

While we have had LOTS of offers to come watch the boys OR sit with Roo, we are not able to accept those kind offers due to the fact that Roo is highly contagious and the boys seem to NOT be getting any better... EVEN on the amoxicilin. I couldn't chance others getting sick trying to help us out. BUT THANK YOU ALL THE SAME! We love you and covet your prayers. REALLY! We could SO not do this without you!

Big boys sick, Roo in hospital UPDATE:

Hey ya'll, this is Bri's friend Holly, she asked me to post an update for her as she is currently in the hospital with little Roo. Last night his breathing got very labored so she took him to the ER. He was admitted with RSV. She sent me this picture late last night. Poor Roo! He's expected to stay in the hosptial for the next 3-4 days.

As if a hospital stay with one sick kiddo isn't enough, Bri is sick and both Bear and Moe are still recovering from pink eye, strep, and bronchitis. I know Bri is running completely on empty and struggling with who can watch the boys while she stays with Roo, since only certified caregivers can watch Moe. Please pray pray pray for this wonderful family!!!

"WoRdLeSs" WeDnEsDaY

Yes. It's that bad! Mind Bear's unmanaged hair, he had his hood on and it always messes his hair up. I was sick yesterday morning and had to take all 3 kiddos for Roo's 2 week check up. We are ALL sick now... minus the dad! He is still well and back to working all during the days again... which is why the boys were with me at the dr. office.

My mom came up to help Monday while I was tending to the older guys being sick. She brought these masks to help eliminate the passing of germs through coughing, and breathing... so I figured I would give it a go at the dr. office. The boys are GREAT at "covering their coughs" But sometimes it is after the 3rd cough that they catch on. Poor babies! They did well for being sick though. I love my guys!