Here we still sit

I have been pleased with the hospitality and level of care we have received from our Kidsville staff at the hospital. They have been super kind and have loved on our little Roo with sincere compassion. I couldn't be happier.

It feels as though after a week of being there though that it is all starting to fade. The kindness only seems short lived. Maybe it is my lack of sleep that is giving me such a different perception, but it seems that they look at us like "you are still here?"

Well, yes, as a matter of fact we are. BUT we are not here for the same reason as before! Roo has been RSV free (or at least symptom free) for two days now. His Saturation level has remained at or right under 100%. Everything seems fine with him MINUS the random fever he developed the night before we were supposed to leave.

Him being so small and born preemie they want to keep an eye on him and make sure there is nothing infecting his little body. So far they have done a spinal tap, a urine culture and a blood culture to make sure he is covered and they can rule out any infections. We have to wait another 48 hours after all the tests have been done. That was yesterday. Tomorrow will complete our 48.

They started him on antibiotics just to cover all bases in case there is something that comes back. That way they will have already started the treatment. I am thankful for the over compensation when it comes to his healthcare, truly I am. I am just tired of being there. I feel like we are "taking up their room and time".

I have been feeling the tension and am really quite frustrated at this point. He has been feeling rather irritable as well, having been poked and prodded in every place. So when I am finally able to get him calmed down, swaddled and sleeping they come in to take vitals AGAIN! So they UN swaddle him and start poking and prodding some more and REcreate the insanity of an unhappy baby boy. He has been enduring so well and has been doing so great but it is diminishing. I KNOW he is tired of being awakened and UNCOMFORTABLE, he lets it be known now. At home he was already used to his schedule and as much as we try and stay true to that at the hospital we can't help the nurses coming in to wake him up for a breathing treatment, a dose of antibiotics, blood pressure, temperature (RECTALLY), listening to his heart beat... you know the NORM!

Tomorrow is our sweet son Samuel's birthday/passing day. 4 years already! It kind of snuck up on me really. Tomorrow I really want to finally walk out of the hospital with our son. I have never been able to walk out of the hospital with our children... minus the ER trips we've encountered. Tomorrow I want that to be different. I want to hold our baby boy in my arms and leave the hospital with him and come home and enjoy him along with his brothers. It would mean so much to my heart.

I was able to come home for a while today to see our boys and have a bit of a break. It was nice to see the boys and my husband for a while. I got to sleep and rest a bit before manning the ship once J left for work tonight.

I miss my boys so much. Bear is talking so much more clear and is pronouncing words almost to a "T" now. Tonight I told him "I love you Bear" and he looks at me and says "I love you too Mama". Before it would sound something like "I lub lou too", not tonight he was pronouncing his "V" and his "Y" very well. He has learned all the individual sounds for all letters and so now he is starting to incorporate them in daily use of vocabulary. So interesting to see it in action. Especially when I have been away and hear him talking like a small adult when I come home. I cried. I feel like I have missed so much with them in just this past week.

Moe is still not able to pronounce words. I am not sure if the ear infection going unattended for so long caused long term damage or what but we work with him and he can't even mimic what you are saying for the most part. Some things he has been able to say but there just seems to be an underlying problem that is preventing him from hearing correctly OR speaking correctly. Early Childhood Intervention was supposed to come out Tuesday but we were not here so she had to reschedule. She is supposed to be assessing both Roo and Moe so that will be good to see what she says about it all. We may need to take a different approach or therapy even to get him back up to par.

So thus far we are still hanging in there. We are praying that the fever (twice now) was just a fluke and that all will be healed in his little body in Jesus name! We are all ready to get back to normal!