Good morning! 

We are getting back on track with life again. It's pretty slow going for me due to my legs and my lower back not being used to walking around. They are pretty sore so I have to take it easy until I get strength built back up. 

I also have the pain of my milk coming in now and trying to let it dry up. Bobble headed snuggly boys make it a bit of a struggle . The struggle is REAL! Lol. Pray it happens quickly! 

I sincerely want to thank you all for your prayers, love and support for our family! It's been a journey that I didn't know the outcome to but wouldn't have traded my time, though very short, with Joshua for anything! 

I know Gods plans are higher than our own and this side of Heaven we will never know why things happen the way they do. But trusting God with my heart will forever allow me to heal and I know one day I will have my sweet babies surrounding me when I enter into eternity. And here on Earth I am blessed to have my precious boys to sustain me and fill my arms and my heart!

Joshua Bears

We sat the boys down the day I came home from the hospital and shared with them the loss we all endured. I can't tell you how hard that was but I can tell you that there was a LOT of heart wrenching sobbing. 

We showed them the box that they gave us for Joshua's blanket, hat and diaper they had on him. There was also a plush lamb that they gave us to hold when we need him near. Ben snatched the lamb up and just held tight and sobbed! 

At that point we thought if they all have their own "Joshua bear" they can hold it tight when they are hurting as they grieve this season. 

So tonight we took the boys to get them their own "Joshua" bears at Build A Bear. 

As they were "bringing the hearts to life" with a wish the lady asked them did you make a wish they all three said, in unison, we just want our baby brother to come back. 

The lady just sat there for a minute before carrying on with stitching the hearts in the bears. 

I, however, was a mess. We
Will get through this. One day at a time, together. 

We are going to take them back soon to get a recording of Joshua's heartbeat put inside their Bears.

A Life that Touched Many

The little hands and feet sent here for such a short time to change so many.

Go Fund Me Site

Tia here. I have taken some time to create a gofundme page for Johnny and Bri (idea given by a friend of mine--thanks Florin!). Please take a moment to read, pray and consider donating to help alleviate some of their burden. Thank you!! http://www.gofundme.com/m8w2v8

A note from Johnny

Thank you all who have followed with us in Joshua's journey. I cannot fully express my gratitude for all the support and prayers that were offered on our behalf and for Joshua. I would like to say a few words that hopefully will help all of you to take a closer step towards Jesus, and not to sit back with thoughts of unloving coldness from a God who can "supposedly" do anything.

First I would like to say that THIS world is temporary. We will spend much more time in eternity than we will here in our earthly bodies. Do not worry for Joshua. He is healthy and in the loving arms of a tender Father. We will see him along with others who have gone ahead of us some day when our time comes. 

Second is this: Joshua's life is a miracle even having had him a shorter time than expected. A great miracle is the faith of many who stood around us, believing for our little one to come home with us. I know I have heard stories of people who did not even know us or particularly have a strong faith who stepped out on a limb of faith believing with us for the desired outcome. To draw people closer to God in faith brings Bri and me hope and joy. 

Third, I have found that there are priorities in my life that need alteration. Seeing something so hard makes other daily problems not to seem so hard. For one thing, I will love my 3 sons more deeply. I will support more with love and encouragement and less with a strong voice and hand of discipline. They will need correction for sure, but love above all will be my every action. With that being said, I plan to let the life of Joshua bring greater unity between my family and me (individually and as a whole). They are are all already beautiful miracles in my life. 

Last I just want to say that the body of Christ (all of you) is a precious thing. I know tears have been shed from our eyes (and yours) and that more will fall, but I can feel the hand of God at work because of all the constant, effective, and fervent prayers of the many involved in our lives. He has brought a peace that goes beyond understanding to walk us through the hard times. He is still with us! I want all to know the nearness and faithfulness and deep love of MY Loving Father! 

With Deepest Gratitude and Love for You All,
Johnny Wachsmann
2 Corinthians 12:9New International Version (NIV)

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

New International Version (NIV)
Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Baby Joshua

Good morning!

We delivered an adorable baby Joshua at 10 PM last night. He looked just like his daddy. 
He weighed 7.4 oz and was 9 in. Long. Born at 18 weeks. 

Today we celebrate his brother Samuel's 9th birthday. Born at 17 weeks. 

Our hearts are heavy and our minds are a bit numb right now. But God is still good and has been with us this whole time. I cannot wait to see my little guys at home! 

Again, thank you for your continued prayers. We are trying to figure out how to tell our sweet boys.

Apart from a Lazurus Miracle which would be great...

I want to say thank you all for your abundant prayers! We fought an amazing fight. Our sweet Joshua was called home earlier than we had hoped.
We will be spending this time to process everything, just J and I at this time. We appreciate any and all prayers still. We will be updating you when that changes. We love our family and friends!
We have an undeniable and unexplainable peace in our hearts right now and we know that God is with us.

Please take minute and Pray right now with the Wachsmans

Lord Jesus, you are sovereign, you are good and you do miracles! Lord move the cord back into place and send amniotic fluid with it in the name of Jesus! God give Bri peace and surround her with Your love and build her up Lord. We recount your promises and declare Your glory and good. We say you don't return void in your promises God. Be with Joshua, you who are mighty save. In Jesus name, amen

Prayer warriors, we need you! Bri is on her way to L&D this very minute. I'll try to be as vague as possible but when she went to the restroom this morning she felt "something" in the wrong place. Dr. M's nurse told her to go straight to the hospital and she would be calling the doctor to let her know that Bri was on her way. She was due for an u/s and progesterone shot today at 10. I will update when I hear more. Please, just pray.

*Update* The umbilical cord is protruding. Dr. Manning is in surgery and will be on her way as soon as she's out. Joshua's heartbeat is still strong. 

God, please be with Bri and Joshua. You are mighty to save. Move the cord back into place and send amniotic fluid in the name of Jesus! May your peace surround everyone involved. Give Dr. Manning wisdom beyond her years of practicing. May your name be exalted Lord.

Lord keep infection at bay!

After my post this morning I had quite the scare. 

I try not to be too detailed bc I know there's mixed company... So I will try and keep this as simple as possible. 

I could tell there was blood mixed with tissue and a lot more leakage. The blood was the discoloration I was seeing last night as well. But after this mornings scare it has been pretty normal again. I have moved hardly at all today. Hopefully being still is helping. 

Please keep praying for no infection!!!

Basically the cerclage itself can cause bacterial infection so that's the drs big concern at this point and they tell me if there's a change in color or other specific details that it's cause for concern. Which is why I was terrified when I saw the discoloration.

No Visitors and Yes Prayer

There's definitely some discoloration to the fluid that's leaking now. Not much but enough that I notice it and am a bit concerned. 

Praying for peace to remain in this hard place as well as the continued safety of our son and me. 

I have been doing a bit more than normal these past couple days... My dr. Said little to no visitors so that I can rest (my body mainly from not straining) and of course to keep viruses/bacteria at bay. There's been a little more visiting going on these days as well as turning from side to side due to discomfort in my hips... So maybe I have just overdone it? I am not sure. I do know I am going to settle down and not do as much again. I have another dr appt on Tuesday.

Lord we pray for peace, for peace to reign in Bri and Johnnys hearts, for peace to reign in their home. We pray God that no infection would set in, that Joshua would live to be a man who praises You and walks in Your righteous law as the Joshua of long ago. In Jesus name, amen 

Vertigo No!!!!

Vertigo has returned! Nooooo! I rolled over and nearly threw myself off the bed! This is scary stuff!

I have been feeling a lot of tenderness in my ears lately. And some popping when I open/close my mouth right where my jaws connect behind the ears. Maybe that has something to do with it. I don't know but I could sure do without this too!

On a positive note, baby and I are doing great today! Little less fluid leakage today, PRAISE THE LORD!!! Just hanging out enjoying the sun - through the windows. Haha.

Please pray with us....
Jesus give Bru's body balance. Lord cure her vertigo and relieve the migraines in the name of Jesus! Let your son shine in on her. In Jesus mighty name, amen 

Dreams Part 2

Dreams {2}

After we had Olivia we felt called to try for another. We were soon expecting our second child. 
Again the dreams started coming strong.

He would be born early and he would be cold. I could not keep him warm or alive. He would die.

When I was 17 weeks pregnant with him my water broke in the middle of the night. This time I knew and went to my dr the following morning. He confirmed my fluid was gone via US. But when my cervix was checked... Closed, no labor.

I was put on hospital bed rest and IV antibiotics. After two days of no progressive labor I was sent home with oral antibiotics. That night I went into labor. The following day I had our son, Samuel David.

The dreams stopped.

Check Up Update

I went in for a check up today.

The sono confirmed that there is still only 1 cm of fluid and she had to search hard to find even that. 

My dr. said that if we have consistently lower than 1-2 cm of fluid then they are going to be prepping us for a grim outcome.

I was having a tough time the other day and asked J... "What if his fluid never builds up, they are going to want to take him early? They have told us that his lungs won't develop if there's little to no fluid!!!" (I still believe in this miracle, just having a hard moment then).
He said "they can't take him without our consent and when he is born ON his birthday the drs are going to be so baffled at the fact that he's perfect and NOTHING is wrong! He WILL be breathing on his own!"

Apparently God doesn't make His miracles a little deal  this is going to be all-out AMAZING!

(I would like to be in a medically induced coma until then though so I stop the days of fear/worry - that is all)

Dreams Part 1....

Dreams...

I was telling you all that I am a dreamer and a visionary (?) person. I see and dream prophetic things, or so I have come to believe. They feel very prophetic and seeing most come to pass, leads me even more so to believe. 

I will share with you dreams from my first three (after salvation) pregnancies and how my dreams now are such a huge part of me. I will share one at a time so as not to overwhelm.

When I was pregnant with our first daughter, Olivia, in 2005 I kept having dreams that she would be born early and I could do nothing to keep her warm and she would die.

These dreams happened often throughout my pregnancy. I didn't want to think too much about it, bc well, who would want to. So I just prayed that the dreams would stop. But they didn't. They persisted.

One morning after an awful reoccurrence of the same dream I woke up and prayed and asked God to give me a scripture to meditate on. He gave me Isaiah 54. That was a bit random to me, usually I would get something from proverbs or psalms but had never really gotten anything from Isaiah before.

When I read it, I kind of just laughed.

"Sing, barren woman,
You who never bore a child;
Burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband,"
Says The Lord.

"Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back;
Lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
And settle in their desolate cities..."

{It goes on to say more (I was given 1-11) but for now this is where my heart was. The rest fit into place later. And trust me, it came back to me several times in many prayers throughout these years. It has been My spoken promise in more ways than one.}

Anyhow, Here I was one week away from being 6 months pregnant and doing great, I wasn't barren! Why on Earth was this my "teaching" for the day? Maybe it was meant for someone else so I just tucked it away until it needed to be pulled from the file again.

Little did I know later that day my water would break, unbeknownst to me, and two days later I would deliver our beautiful baby girl, Olivia Grace.

She was born too early and I could not keep her warm, nor could I save her. She went to be with our Father 30 min after she was born. Just like my dream. I left that hospital childless.

Several days later I had been sitting on my front porch, staring off into my place of confusion and deep pain and out of nowhere... Isaiah 54 comes before me again. I wept uncontrollably for over an hour it seemed. I was that childless woman. And though my heart hurt, I had to find a way to sing. Not for now... But someday.

The reoccurring dream stopped.

Ways to Pray

How you can be praying.

Fluid has been leaking a lot. 
Still no other symptoms, praise The Lord!!!

Three boys have been coughing with watery eyes and runny noses. No fevers but I am terrified of getting sick! Ben came home and tells me his whole class is sick and someone threw up on the bus!!! I seriously just want to keep them home so they do NOT catch something and bring it home! I do not need them sick!!! 

I am losing steam and feeling like I am failing this. His heartbeat is still strong but how on earth can I keep losing fluids!?!? I just feel like the walls are stacking up against me and I am suffocating trying to stay positive. 

Good news... Tomorrow is two weeks down! 6 to go!!!!

Jesus Dreams

Sorry for the delay in posting. It's been pretty quiet around here. Which is AWESOME!! 

I had another dream last night that I felt was pretty prophetic. I have many prophetic dreams and visions I believe that have come to pass and one day I will sit down and share the ones about this pregnancy and previous pregnancies. I am always blown away when I have them and completely in awe of the way God uses dreams as well to speak to me.

Last nights dream was that I was having some bad pains and I went into the hospital where they were prepping me for delivery but I was still extremely early so I was terrified and telling them they were wrong, that the baby wasn't coming. It wasn't that kind of pain. They were ignoring me and continuing on. Then a more experienced charge nurse comes in and looks at the young nurse and says, very authoritatively, "she's not delivering, she still has a few months to go!" And the other nurse leaves me alone and walks out of the room!
I felt extreme peace and knew that I was going to be fine for the rest of my waiting. That no matter what "issues" I have, they will not cost my baby's life!

Weekend in Review

Saturday:
...I have been having a cry fest this morning and just curling up in the lap of our Father with some serious concerns. I HAD TO take a shower and as I'm in the shower this song popped in my head and I had an overwhelming desire to belt it out (and y'all, that took guts... I don't sing). But as I did all of my heartache that I had been wailing over for the past two days flowed down the drain with uncontrollable sobs. 
"It's all about you, Jesus. And all this is for you for your glory and your fame. It's not about me; as if You should do things my way. You alone are God and I surrender... to your ways."
Maybe I am leaking a LOT more fluid. Maybe my heart is weary with uncertainty but who am I to say it HAS to look this way or that? Who am I to question what God is doing in and through my body? I am human, that's who. And I have to DAILY surrender to HIS ways... NOT my own.

....Ben is so intrigued and excited about his little brother it's not even explainable! 
We were listening to his heartbeat and Ben started trying to talk to Joshua through the speaker of the Doppler!!! Haha THEN he proceeds to look in my belly button with the light trying to see him!!! I was told he could see his hair in my belly button!

Sunday:
....For the past two nights two different children in our home have had dreams of a fire in our house! 
Come Holy Spirit, like a blazing fire and bring the word of The Lord to consume us all! We need you Jesus!!! 
Abba Father! Immanuel! Jehovah Rapha: God who heals! Jehovah Shammah: my God is here!
....I mean if I have to be on bed rest for so long... I am at least very thankful for the view I get each day. 
Blue sparkling water, green grass and lots of horses that pass by! And earlier I was watching a little finch on the tree branches doing flips then a pair of cardinals sitting enjoying the sunshine.

....This has been my favorite song for as long as it's been on the radio. When I hear it, it speaks so loudly... Even more so now! 

http://youtu.be/dy9nwe9_xzw