**UPDATED**I pray she KNOWS how thankful we are!

**Updated with Moe's card now... Roo's is taking a bit of time :)**
And I pray she has a HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY and that she knows she is celebrated as a mother who cares for her son enough to give him a chance at life. We have been BLESSED by her gift.

I know she didn't CHOOSE freely to have this life for her son. But since this is the path that has been chosen for them both she has repeatedly mentioned how thankful she is that Bear is "OUR SON"! So are we.
So for Mother's Day, I like to do something special for the Bio mothers of our children. I want them to know that just because they do not have their children, they are still mothers, they did still give life to a human being... they should be celebrated, in my opinion. It is a choice to give a child life, whatever happens after that I cannot speak much for. But I know that God would want them to feel special and would want to speak to their hearts in this way.
Today I sat the boys down to make Happy Mother's Day cards for their Bio Mothers.
Bear has been practicing his letters for a while now and I figured we could put it to the ultimate test and have him write out "Happy Mother's Day! Tristan" I put his little (read: HUGE) hand prints on a piece of paper and gave him a pencil and showed him where to start his pencil. From there I just told him what letter to write next. HE DID IT! 2 year old perfect! I am so amazed to see all the effort come forth in his work. Such an extraordinary young man.

I think it will mean so much more to her that he wrote it all himself. He had a bit of trouble doing the first "Y" so I showed him with his pencil in hand how to do it. He did the next one on "DAY" all by himself. Then I showed him how to draw a heart. He drew some right next to mine. He was so excited to see his work once completed! Of course so were Mommy and Daddy!

* Love how his "S" are all turned backwards... sorta, I guess they are Ü *

As for the other two muffins ... Ü

**Moe, I gave stickers with a "card" and crayons.

I did his foot print and hand print on the card and we wrote I (heart) U on it.

It is covered in a plethora of random stickers, ranging from veggie tales janitors, to letter stickers, to puffy hearts, to scooby doo. It has scribbled crayon marks and lots of concentration from a sweet little boy. (I have to upload his pics later, once I get his name "covered" :))

**Roo... Nobody has heard from his mother. I am going to make her one too but it may just have to stay in a memory box and one day he can give it to her if it all comes to a place of meeting her.

Long time no see...

I am so sorry I have been slacking on the blog front. Life, at this point, is trying to see through the haze of the whirlwind that just left our home just in time for the next one to hit!

The smoke has settled some, and we are still standing. Praise you JESUS!

This is going to be a very brief update as to not keep you all in the dark... that is if there are any of you still following along on this SLOW moving train! Well the view may be slow moving but the activity going on on our end is ANYTHING BUT! I just don't have time to keep up with it to blog about it all!

So we went to Kentucky, The lord saw fit :)! Johnny got his job back after a 2 day wait. INTENSE 2 days! (I will be posting some pictures from the trip just as soon as I find my mind and get all our laundry done :).)

So I think overall he was out of work for 4 weeks. We have been seeing the hand of God provide time and time again! Jehova Jireh (as I was so sweetly reminded again this evening... THANK YOU!) He is, indeed, a God who provides!

The boys are still alive and well. They fared the trip very well and had lots of fun and LOTS of mishaps along the way. Moe is one of the most clumsiest children I have ever known. He would have to be in MY possession! LOL. I am glad he is but WOW! Can I please bubble wrap that kid!

More on that later! :). I have to go shower so that I can get ready for a night of folding laundry! Ahhhh my life!

Thanks for hanging in there with us on this winding journey. The end is going to be REALLY worth it, I just KNOW! We serve an AWESOME GOD!

Man am I that out of it that I am just now realizing, too, that I need to change my Merry Christmas greeting as my header! LOL... one day. I may as well just leave it up there for this Christmas, yeah? haha but in faith we will have TWO more boys to add to that picture!

If God sees fit we shall go to Kentucky!

To say there has been a lot going on in our lives is a total understatement.

I don't really even know where to begin, but hang on because it is... WOW, yeah, "just" WOW!

About 3 weeks ago J lost his job with UPS. He filed a grievance to contest his termination and had a hearing this past Tuesday, the same day I had Moe's hearing here.

J had to drive 2 hours away for his hearing and we thought that was absurd seeing that he just lost his job and we didn't really need to be spending that money on traveling to a hearing to SEE about getting his job back! But we felt he needed to and we knew that God would indeed provide if that's where he was supposed to be. We prayed for wisdom and guidance.

Moe's hearing in short went like this. We will be going to mediation soon. We will meet with the parents, grandparents(?), casa worker, case workers, attorneys (parents', Moe's and ours) and come to an agreement for us to adopt Moe. If the parents do not agree to relinquish on any terms (visits, letters, pictures etc...), we will then go to trial.

((If the parents relinquish (sign over) their rights, they get a say in what they would like out of this adoption at mediation.

If they still do not want to relinquish then it will go to a jury trial and more than likely their rights will be terminated leaving them NO SAY to even chose to have a relationship with their son.

Of course we would still want Moe to know his family so we would never just keep him from seeing them but if they relinquish it would be so much better for them and their future (as well as for their future children).))

SO as of now it looks like things are moving toward adoption for MOE! :):):)

NOW, For J's hearing. It didn't go so well. It didn't go bad either it just didn't go the way we were hoping it would. He didn't go and get his job back. The case got pushed to panel. Basically meaning that he now has to appear before a panel of Union workers and a panel of UPS workers to determine the outcome.

He has been told that usually if it goes to panel and you appear you will get your job back. We are not banking on that because we prayed that if God has something different for him that HE would close all doors. But also that HE would open a window to move through.

Here's the kicker. The trial now is going to be in Kentucky! Yup... We live in Texas!

At first, I was kind of torn about it all. "Like we have that kind of money when you don't even have a job for you to be traveling to KY!!!" I know it is not J's fault. I don't even think that what he did was worth the junk they are putting him through, BUT I do see GOD all over it!

As we started talking it through and praying about it, I got the idea... "hey let's just take a family "vacation" and pack up and go to KY with you!" We were both excited about it and didn't really feel like we shouldn't. It just seemed, too good to be true.

Then I kind of thought more about it, came to my senses and realized that all of us going would be more expensive than JUST him going so we would be wasting more money. I kind of wrote it off.

Later that night I was talking to a friend and after telling her what is going on with J's case now she commented, "you should all go with him and take a small family vacation"!!! HAHA what!

Sooo I told her my concerns about the cost increasing and she was giving me pointers on how to make it less expensive than I was thinking and seeing he was already going we would be spending SOMETHING on it anyway! All of us going would only increase gas prices really, due to having to take a bigger vehicle. (oh yes, all 5 of us :))

It was a go again. We started planning for us to all go.

This was Wednesday, we have to leave on Monday! I have to get permission for the boys to leave the state, we have to crunch numbers to see how we were going to make this happen, we have to figure out what all had to be paid for and how that was going to be done. Whew!

When sitting down we figured out gas alone, up there and back, was going to run right around $500. Depressing! We don't have that to spend on gas! Then the cost of a hotel room for 2 nights minimum?? oh wow! "Let's pray about it and ASK for it" we did. FAITH CAN MOVE THE MOUNTAINS!

**My dad called me last night and asked what we were doing, I told him we were sitting down trying to figure out what to do about going to KY. This was the first he'd heard about it. He said, "I want to come see you, when are y'all supposed to leave?" We told him, By Monday. He says "Well, I guess I will be up there tomorrow (Friday) then, I have something for y'all." He came by today and handed J and envelope.... containing $500!** um yeah. THANK YOU JESUS!



I have been exchanging comments on my FB with my husband's Aunt telling her what we were doing. She was telling me about my faith to move mountains and then she stated "I am believing for J to get his job back AND he is going to get back pay, AND reimbursement for travel. (Oh is that too much to ask for? NOT!!!! Ask and ye shall receive :)".

It's a long shot but HEY... ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE WITH PRAYER!!! right?

**Today J opened a certified letter from the UNION. It stated that they are going to reimburse his travel at $.08 per mile. That covers the hotel boarding for 2 nights!**



We took Moe to his mother today for the weekend and it is a rather lengthy drive so we had plenty of time to sit and pray and think and process and just PRAISE HIM for all that HE has done and all that HE is going to do.

We were thinking that we would just drive to KY, see what we see along the way (get LOTS of pictures :)) and then come back home after it is all over with. There's really not a lot to do that's free... and we were completely okay with that. Just the trip alone would bless our socks off.

But for some strange reason that wasn't setting well with us. We felt that God wanted us to "ENJOY this trip as a family, pray for MORE" is what we heard, pray for it we did.

We prayed that we would have some extra finances to get to do at least ONE family thing while we were in some of these places... (Little Rock AR, Memphis TN, Nashville TN, and Louisville KY) I mean c'mon... those are some pretty well known places... that would ROCK to get to do SOMETHING.

We got home tonight and I checked our bank statement out of the blue, ...HOLD ON TIGHT!

**J got 2 checks from UPS for his VACATION time and an OPTION week (that would have been coming later this year) totaling over $600!** Tears of laughter and relief have been SHED! God's name has been PRAISED and lifted HIGH!

***ON ANOTHER VERY, VERY EXCITING NOTE.... One that money cannot buy; We get to keep our kiddos in our home!

In the beginning of all this my biggest fear was that our children would be removed b.c the requirement is that ONE parent in the home has to have a job. When I called our agency to tell them about J losing his job, they "had to discuss what this was all going to look like". OH NO! We were on egg shells!

Finally we heard back that as long as J is "actively seeking" that we would be okay. THANK YOU JESUS! Actively seeking he is! :) We are going to KY to finalize his future with UPS.

God saw fit, looks like we are going to Kentucky!

Thank you Jesus for pouring out your LOVE on our family! Words are no where near good enough to express our gratitude for your provision and your blessings, let alone your FRIENDSHIP!

I will keep you posted on the rest of this journey. I am so excited I can hardly remember everything going on around us. It has been a whirlwind!

Baby Take a Ride on My Big Green Trak-teeerrr

6 years and counting

Yesterday, April 10th, J and I celebrated our 6th year wedding anniversary.

I cannot begin to express how much it feels like SO MUCH LONGER than a mere 6 years.

In these 6 years we have experienced so much heartache we could do nothing more than hold eachother and cry. We have experienced so much joy we thought our hearts would burst. We have watched our ashes turn to beauty time and time again. We have seen the hand of God move in our lives all over. He looks out for especially us!

We are in a place right now that God has us in the palm of HIS hands. I am okay with this. This may look a little different for some people but for us right now it is J in a (small) waiting season for work and us spending LOTS of quality time together. (J goes to Ft. Worth on Tuesday to hear his case against him with UPS. He feels very strongly that he will get his job back, until then we will be persistent in seeking God and HIS will for our waiting season. We will follow HIS lead. We have gone our own way before and let me just say. It was NOT easy NOR was it fun!

It is not ideal that J is without a job, but we do trust and feel that God is completely in control and leading us just how HE planned. He will provide.

I cannot tell you how happy the boys have been lately to have their daddy around so much more. I, too, have been so blessed by his being here. We have sat and cried just being in the presence of the Lord, holding eachother knowing that HE has pulled us through EVERYTHING HE has brought us to. Even when we didn't have the strength to stand, we saw God holding us up to strengthen one another.

I know God never makes mistakes. I know our journey has been one full of trials and trying circumstances because HE is building up our faith for something BIG! And by big I mean BIIIGG! I don't claim to know what it is... but I do know that God doesn't call the qualified, HE qualifies the called! If this is HIM qualifying us, let me just say... we are going to be called for something greater than I could ever imagine.

As for the kids. I have been told that the last thing they want to do is remove our children. I know our agency advocates for their families and I wanted so badly to believe that our kids were safe, I do. It is scary all the same, but I have faith that our children are with us for a reason and I don't believe that J losing his job because of some plant manager having issues is going to mess up God's plans for our lives NOR theirs.

He has built up our Faith. In a MERE 6 years, we have been walking in the presence of the LORD and we KNOW HE will bring us through this too!

Happy Anniversary Honey! I love you and all that we have journeyed together! I am not saying that every day is WONDERFUL, but I am saying that I would not be okay doing this life with anyone less than yourself! You mean THAT much to me!

**Thank you to everyone who has been lifting us up in prayer. We could not ask for more and we sincerely appreciate all the kind words and generous acts toward our family! **

Calling all Prayer Warriors...

As I recently stated we are without job right now. We, meaning J really, BUT when it is our family it is WE.

You see, our agency has a standard that must be met in order to have children residing in our home. At least ONE parent MUST have a job. Well, we do not fit that criteria any longer. And until J gets a job, we won't. Our kids (Moe and Roo) could be at risk of getting removed.

Please say a prayer for our family to stay together. This is the hardest thing right now to have to face. I have been more worried about our children being taken from us than anything else.

I know God is in it. I know HE brought these children to our home (some more than once) for a reason. ONLY HE KNOWS what is about to happen and I am putting my trust in HIM.

Thank you to everyone for your love, prayers and blessings. We sure appreciate the encouragements right now and we KNOW God is answering your prayers.

I will keep you updated. I thought we'd hear something by today but we have not and the work day is about over now. Thank you Jesus we have another weekend with them...

No words

can adequately express how I am feeling right now.

Two weeks ago J lost his job with UPS that he has had for the past 6 years. We knew it would not be a forever job due to him continuing school to teach. We knew that. We knew eventually we would be preparing for him to leave that job to pursue his teaching career. But we had time to prepare.

Not anymore. Now we are forced into making prompt decisions of what are we to do next and where do we go from here. We were not prepared for no income for several weeks if not months. Who ever is?

I have not expressed this before now basically because we felt that J would be getting his job back pretty quickly. It is not looking like that is the case any longer. He still has a good chance of getting his job back; but it may take a lot longer than desired or anticipated. OR he may not even get his job back, period. Nobody knows right now.

I felt, this is part of our journey, part of our struggle and I should share with you all what is happening in our lives. Good and bad. I ask that you would please pray if you feel led. We need a miracle. We need people to have a change of heart and not just be out to harm our family.

In the pit of my being I KNOW that God will cover us. I KNOW that HE will provide for us. He has never let us down yet. Crummy things have happened time and time again in our marriage over these past 6 years. But HE always comes through with a light of hope and PROMISE! Not a promise to give us anything but a promise to hold us through the rough waters. A promise that we will not be harmed in the midst of the trials. I hold fast to HIS promises and that is what gets me through.

It is hard, and it hurts something awful. I can't even think straight right now for lack of vision. But I do know that I can rest in my Father's arms while I am hurting and while I am worn out from all the responsibilities.

I had to inform our foster agency of the current circumstances and I got a reply stating that they were going to have to get together to go over the financial part. I am not sure what that means and I am almost scared. I replied and asked what they were talking about and I begged them not to take "our" kids from us. That would be excruciating! You can take everything from us but please do not take our children. Blood or not... they are ours and we LOVE them.

If it were just us and Bear, I would not be so "scared" about what is to come. He is ours now. We can live just about anywhere, J and I already have. We can make anything work until life takes a turn for the better. But when you foster you are so tied to rules and regulations and homestudies. They have to make sure EVERYTHING is okay and there is enough DECENT space for your family to live in. Not to mention the 101 other obligations you have when you are fostering. Will we still qualify to keep our babies if we lose our home?

I am not sure how that would look if we lost our home and had to move. Would they take our kids until we get another decent place to live for them? I am not claiming that we are going to lose our home. I am just functioning in panic mode right now. Forgive me. It just takes on a whole new sense of survival when you are taking care of children that do not belong to you. They can pull them for any reason. Especially if you cannot provide for them financially.

J went and applied for unemployment as well as food stamps (wow this is totally humbling) just to keep us afloat while he is in the process of finding another job. We don't qualify for food stamps b.c of the unemployment money that he SHOULD be getting. We have not seen anything yet. Even if so, our mortgage takes half of the weekly allowance which leaves not enough to pay the rest of the bills. Why don't they take all that into consideration. We have a 5 person household. HOW in the world really do they expect 5 people to live on $400 a week? Really $200 a week after mortgage? That is NOT even counting the monthly bills. AAAHHHH!

I am just so tired of getting a bit ahead and then watching it get ripped out from under us yet again. The sad thing is, we take care of children whom the STATE has custody of but yet the state will not take care of the family taking care of their children! hmmm, makes sense to me! :/

Now for the good news :).

This Saturday is J and my 6 year anniversary. We had made reservations about an hour and a half from here to go away for 2 nights but we called to cancel so we could save that money. J's mom is going to take the boys tomorrow after their nap and we will have the rest of the evening to ourselves, where we will finish all outstanding projects on our house and go through and find all the things that we can sell. We will have all day Sat too until the boys' bedtime when they will be returning home. Doesn't seem like enough time but it will get done. In my mind it is anyway :).

Just another day in Paradise!

Catch up (short version)

New Dr. Checked out Roo's head. He showed concerns for the same things I did.

He referred us to the hospital to have an Ultrasound done on roo's head to make sure everything looked good on the inside. Such as no pressure building anywhere, everything shaped, functioning properly.

We went and the US tech did all her pictures. Two dr's came in to take a look and talk to us. He is fine and everything looks great. The only concern they have also is that the soft spot is almost completely closed up. The dr said that in the future we may need a CT scan if his head doesn't "shape up" haha get it. okay, alright. But for now they are just watching him to make sure he is progressing instead of regressing.

For his lazy eye, I have been working with it now for as long as I have noticed it. Just cover the strong one to build up his weaker one. It seems to be doing great. The only time you really notice it now is if he is just not focusing on anything at all. But when he looks at you he looks with both eyes. Thank you Jesus for a great report and a healthy baby boy that is pulling through.

He is still having issues picking his head up to a 45 d angle. He should be able to do it by now (considering he was doing it at 3 weeks old). Now all he does is lay there and rub his head back and forth, as though he is trying but cannot do it. Our ECI tech came out and did is bi monthly assessment and said she is going to start OT, PT with him to help him reach that milestone.

Again we will be frequenting the dr to keep track on his head but for now he is picture perfect health and doing GREAT. He is getting so big. Really TALL. He weighs 11.14 and is 24 in long! Such a cutie!