getting closer

As we draw nearer to the final adoption date on April 28th my heart sings a new song. A song of many praises and many languages of thanksgiving. I can barely even tell you how we got here, for my mind is overwhelmed with today, the rest is a blur really. I know THIS is where we are; I cannot even tell you any part of my future. I don't know what it holds.

Don't get me wrong, I remember the things of the past and the journey we have been on but I tell you the only reason is because of the scars it has left. Not because I am sorrowful, not because I wish things could have been different. They aren't and they will never be. I cannot waste what I have been given today on dwelling in the past. I have scars and they all have a meaning. The best meaning they hold is that I have drawn that much closer to my God and King! My Father, my Savior! I would not trade these scars. I will not try and hide my scars, I will tell their stories with a smile; glorifying the ONE who CHOSE me to bear them!

I am grateful for where God has brought us thus far! It has been an amazing road. If we had to give up our lives tomorrow. I would be able to say straight faced that I feel like I did everything to the best of my ability with what YOU gave me. I cannot say that I did it perfect but I know that I did do something with everything and in those things I felt like HE was pleased and received the glory (most days, OKAY some days!)

It makes my heart really sad to think of the "what ifs" and "it could've been"s. I mean if we had been given the chance to raise our own children I would not know BEAR nor MOE! Where would they be. I would not be able to do this work for the KINGDOM loving on the orphaned had we our own family. I know early on in our hearts (while we were engaged) we had talked about "adopting" some day down the road. But would we have followed through after we had our own children? Or would we have been "satisfied" with what we had and decide enough is enough? I am grateful HE chose us to be uncomfortable so that we may further advance the KINGDOM in this way! Otherwise we may have just done nothing and been okay with status quo.

As the time draws nearer I am realizing these things that I am grateful for more and more. I look at Bear and Moe with a deeper love than ever before (even though they can irritate me during this teething phase :)). I look at Bear and think of the connection I had with him from the moment he was placed in my arms and I knew from that moment that he would always be a Wachsmann. I knew that the scars I had bared would match the same scars that his little life already had from his rough start in life as well. We were a perfect fit from a divine plan unforeseen.

Would you say God was in this? Yeah, me too! As the adoption date draws nearer... so do I, to my Father, my God and whisper many thanks to HIM for HIS plans for me and OUR FAMILY!