Final Hearing part 2

This morning I was driving to Court and I grabbed my phone to make a phone call. I noticed a text message had been sent so I looked at my phone and realized there had been 4 messages sent to my phone. I, DID NOT, check my messages right then... ahem.

The messages were from Moe's BM. She was telling me that she was running late and the rest of the text messages sent me into a big ball of tears and snot.

I show up at the court house crying and I meet her attorney at the door. I hand her my phone and instruct her on how to operate my phone to navigate to the other messages sent by her client.

Basically she stated that she knew that Moe was in a great home and that J and I LOVE him dearly. She said that she was truly grateful for us being there for him and that the last thing she wanted to do was to break his heart again. She said that no matter what happened that she would accept it but she was NOT giving up.

I respect her decision in that she is NOT quitting on her son. She will fight with all she has for her son. I do know the odds are stacked and leaning against her but I really want her to fight. I want her to finish strong too.

A friend of mine sent me an email the other day and she was praying for us. She put in there that she prays that we finish strong. That is so important to me... and I believe that she, too, is finishing strong. I KNOW God is proud of her. I know there are poor choices, I know there was a past and some issues still needing corrected BUT I KNOW HIS hand is in her life and that HE loves her! I hope some day she will truly see the love HE has for her.

So as of now the trial is still going on. I was told tomorrow will be the last day. They said it should last no longer than noon tomorrow... I am on edge.

My emotions are all over the place. I SO want her to succeed, but I also know she has had 2 years to get it together and has not yet. I love that girl and pray for her that she will understand that we will NEVER leave her out of his life! Sweet girl. God cover her heart and speak truth and peace to her heart. Let her know it is okay to let go and let you have it as well.

I want to just wrap my arms around her and let her cry, to tell her it's okay and to let it all out. You can tell she is just hurting so badly. I want to show her the mother's heart she has never seen as well. She needs someone to hold her... Father please be that someone tonight for her.

Amen.

Final hearing part I

This morning J and I went to court and found SEVERAL familiar faces sitting in the seats to support our family. I cried, a little. I could not believe that there were people who actually WANTED to be there for us.

You hear people say that they are praying and that if you need anything to call but you never really understand that until they are THERE!

I am the worlds' worst when it comes to incorporating others to "help" me or do things for me. I would rather not burden anyone for what I feel is MY duty or obligation. I think one day I will better understand how to receive that kind of love and not always just be the giver.

I am the first on the stand to testify which was a huge blessing, just so I could get it over with.

I gave them all the information to the best of my knowledge. I did great until they asked me what condition Moe returned to us this last time. I lost it. My heart hurt so badly seeing him again in my mind the day he was brought back this last time. He was so wounded and he was hollow. He stared straight through you. He was so angry and not at all my Moe whom had left just 4 months earlier. What on earth could they have done to my sweet boy to turn him so inside out. Just the thoughts of it plagued my mind to a point of sheer PAIN for him.

I cried. I told them how he was so distorted from the way he had been when he lived in our home. I spoke about the ways that he had regressed so terribly to a point that you could no longer understand a word he uttered. He was BROKEN. But we accepted him and mended him yet again.

After a good 30 minutes it seemed we went to break for 15 min. Then back to the stand. I testified some more. They asked me about the mother and what kind of relationship I had with her. I told them that we had bonded and I felt like there was a good relationship between us.

When it came right down to it they asked me point blank "Do you feel that it is in 'Moe's' best interest for his mothers' rights to be terminated?" I felt the lump in my throat and then I felt a peace and the words flowed out of my mouth. "In 'MOE'S' best interest, YES".

I could not believe I had the courage to say it. I could not believe I was able to speak out against what I THOUGHT I wanted... for them to be reunified... but I did. And I did not feel ashamed. I felt it was truly what GOD intended to be said.

After all was said and done I finally got to get down from the stand and then it was J's turn to testify.

I sat and listened to him testify about Moe and his relationship with our family, Moe's relationship with Bear and Roo, his relationship with us as his "mommy and Daddy".

It was all well until they asked J about our sweet Olivia, Samuel, and Ymali. I cried again. Imagine that. I haven't cried over that in a LONG time. I haven't even really thought about anything much. July 9th was Olivia Grace's 5th birthday, I thought about things that day. I emailed one friend and told her, just because it was on my heart and I needed to talk to someone, but as far as anything else goes there was nothing.

I believe the state just wanted to clarify WHY we are foster/adoptive parents. It is not because of any ill gain. It isn't because we feel like we can be better people if we do this. It is simply because we feel the calling to be parents... however that looks. We knew there were babies without mommies and daddies and we were a mommy and daddy without babies... we were a perfect match for one another! I think that got some emotions going in the court room. I started hearing sniffles other than my own.

Either way, after J finished testifying I believe there were maybe one or two more who got on the stand and testified. All pretty much resulting in the same thing. Mom is NOT capable of providing for Moe on a day to day basis. She has no job, no GED, no car NOR a license... Sweet girl. Breaks my heart! But in all honesty it doesn't look good.

We went to lunch with J's family and then back to court. We were there from 9A-5P. I was (AM) exhausted. Tomorrow will be more of the same thing. I have been told that it is going to be going into Friday. I have a wedding shoot on Friday so this is NOT fun for me. I am SO ready for this to ALL be over!

hey, how's it going

Okay yeah so I am SLACKING on the blog front. But our home front also looks a bit chaotic right now so don't be too jealous.

We are basically just living day to day without an idea of what is happening. It just goes on. If I can stay on our schedule ... GREAT, but we have learned that pop up visits and appointments, court hearings, mediations (we are about to attend our 3rd one just for Moe) pretty much take over our lives. It's absolutely insane and we are tapped out! **more on that later**

But for now... an update...

Roo is doing great. He has not had any visits with anyone from any sort of biological anything. SO we are feeling pretty confident that he will be ours before too long.

He is 5 months old now (almost 6 on the 12th) He has been a little delayed getting to milestones but I have learned after 5 children that none are the same and that boys are just generally slower at most all things when developing.

But here is what he can do. He is eating solids like a champ. He eats 6 oz of formula Every 3 hours from 7:30A to 7P. He sleeps from 7:30P to 7:30A (has been sleeping from 10P-7A since 2 months old). We moved him to 7:30 when he would no longer wake for his 10P bottle even when we would try so hard to wake him. We just stopped and upped his intake to 6 oz per feeding instead of 4.5 oz.

He is still having a bit of trouble with reflux. We use cereal in every bottle just to thicken it a little and then of course the all famous letting him sit still and not lying him down 30 min after eating.

We got him an amber/hazel wood necklace to wear for it's natural healing remedies (amber - teething pain; Hazel wood - reflux *and a slew of others*) and that helped a little more. So now it is just spit up instead of all out rivers. NICE!

He has been teething HARD for about 2 months now. I see little white knobs starting at the very tops of his gums so it may take a couple months for them to come through but he chews on everything and is so irritable if he doesn't get a dose of his homeopathic teething drops (b.c he is allergic to orajel). Wearing his necklace helps a lot too. So with the combination of all that we have finally found a happy place for our son Rooster! :)

He smiles all the time now. I can get him laughing uncontrollably with pretty much anything I do IF he is in the mood to laugh. He has a very serious disposition about him and if he is in a mood, put him in his bed and shut the door because nothing is going to cheer him up. After he sleeps it off he is all better. We are praying for his spirit to be lighter BUT if that is how God created him then we are praying for a patient and loving wife for him one day!

He is pretty happy go lucky and just enjoys being along for the ride. He can roll from back to front now and reverse. He can scoot all the way across the floor on his back if you let him. He is working on sitting tripod style but could care less to use his arms. He can hold his own bottle although he likes to get attention by letting go just so he can cry about it. I let him cry it out usually and he holds on a bit tighter next time. Is that just mean... Yeah I don't think so either.

He loves to play in his exersaucer and he absolutely ADORES his big brothers. He watches them with such enthusiasm and giggles when they come near him. Nothing like what Miley used to do but he is a boy... I don't expect a whole lot of excitement about much. Not to say they don't get excited about things, they do, but not AS excited as the one girl we had and other girls I have witnessed.

He can grab toys and pull them to his mouth...WHERE everything ends up!

... well, as usual, I have run out of time to sit still for 5 min so I will hopefully be back with more updates soon.