Final hearing part I

This morning J and I went to court and found SEVERAL familiar faces sitting in the seats to support our family. I cried, a little. I could not believe that there were people who actually WANTED to be there for us.

You hear people say that they are praying and that if you need anything to call but you never really understand that until they are THERE!

I am the worlds' worst when it comes to incorporating others to "help" me or do things for me. I would rather not burden anyone for what I feel is MY duty or obligation. I think one day I will better understand how to receive that kind of love and not always just be the giver.

I am the first on the stand to testify which was a huge blessing, just so I could get it over with.

I gave them all the information to the best of my knowledge. I did great until they asked me what condition Moe returned to us this last time. I lost it. My heart hurt so badly seeing him again in my mind the day he was brought back this last time. He was so wounded and he was hollow. He stared straight through you. He was so angry and not at all my Moe whom had left just 4 months earlier. What on earth could they have done to my sweet boy to turn him so inside out. Just the thoughts of it plagued my mind to a point of sheer PAIN for him.

I cried. I told them how he was so distorted from the way he had been when he lived in our home. I spoke about the ways that he had regressed so terribly to a point that you could no longer understand a word he uttered. He was BROKEN. But we accepted him and mended him yet again.

After a good 30 minutes it seemed we went to break for 15 min. Then back to the stand. I testified some more. They asked me about the mother and what kind of relationship I had with her. I told them that we had bonded and I felt like there was a good relationship between us.

When it came right down to it they asked me point blank "Do you feel that it is in 'Moe's' best interest for his mothers' rights to be terminated?" I felt the lump in my throat and then I felt a peace and the words flowed out of my mouth. "In 'MOE'S' best interest, YES".

I could not believe I had the courage to say it. I could not believe I was able to speak out against what I THOUGHT I wanted... for them to be reunified... but I did. And I did not feel ashamed. I felt it was truly what GOD intended to be said.

After all was said and done I finally got to get down from the stand and then it was J's turn to testify.

I sat and listened to him testify about Moe and his relationship with our family, Moe's relationship with Bear and Roo, his relationship with us as his "mommy and Daddy".

It was all well until they asked J about our sweet Olivia, Samuel, and Ymali. I cried again. Imagine that. I haven't cried over that in a LONG time. I haven't even really thought about anything much. July 9th was Olivia Grace's 5th birthday, I thought about things that day. I emailed one friend and told her, just because it was on my heart and I needed to talk to someone, but as far as anything else goes there was nothing.

I believe the state just wanted to clarify WHY we are foster/adoptive parents. It is not because of any ill gain. It isn't because we feel like we can be better people if we do this. It is simply because we feel the calling to be parents... however that looks. We knew there were babies without mommies and daddies and we were a mommy and daddy without babies... we were a perfect match for one another! I think that got some emotions going in the court room. I started hearing sniffles other than my own.

Either way, after J finished testifying I believe there were maybe one or two more who got on the stand and testified. All pretty much resulting in the same thing. Mom is NOT capable of providing for Moe on a day to day basis. She has no job, no GED, no car NOR a license... Sweet girl. Breaks my heart! But in all honesty it doesn't look good.

We went to lunch with J's family and then back to court. We were there from 9A-5P. I was (AM) exhausted. Tomorrow will be more of the same thing. I have been told that it is going to be going into Friday. I have a wedding shoot on Friday so this is NOT fun for me. I am SO ready for this to ALL be over!