In this boat

I would give (almost) anything to be in a different situation with a LOT of things in our lives. But I am not. I am here in this boat, sitting, waiting, dreaming for something to be different.

I am by nature a doer. I see things that need to be done and I do them. God has been teaching me to be patient in waiting. For the things that I would change, I have NO control over. I cannot just go get things done, I have to wait, and wait patiently lest I go insane.

We are still in a waiting period with Moe. They held a frivilousness hearing recently (don't ask, I can't begin to explain what that is, but as silly as it sounds, it is real). Basically all that came from that is more waiting. The appeal has to play out and then we should be able to move on at that point. SHOULD is a very large word when it comes to us and all we've experienced.

Today was Roo's final hearing. I pretty much thought it was going to be cut and dried. Yeah, silly me.

He has been here since he was 7 days old. Straight from the hospital where his mother took one last look at him and has not seen him since.

The dad who was named was tested and denied father. The list was long but nobody was moving on it b.c mom was not signing an affidavit saying that was the final list.

Mom was recently terminated on, but they've found her and asked her who father is, yet again. She named a guy who she named in the beginning. Said guy is deceased. Not sure why they are just now finding it okay to try and track him down. I was told it's because they now have an address. Funny in a YEAR you couldn't find THAT address.

So today at his final hearing... it got pushed back until April. This will give them time to locate "mystery man" and serve him papers, have him tested to determine paternity and possibly give him a chance to step up or go home.

I am really sick of being in this boat. I threw the oars in over 5 miles ago. There's nothing I can do with them... I am just floating along, waiting.

On a good note. J went to his appointment today for the cancer. The dr told him that if you are going to have cancer this is the best kind to have. I guess that is a good thing. The kind that he has is not aggressive and does not grow in or out. It grows sideways (which is why I noticed his mole growing sideways across his skin and not out as a mole). They figure it was mostly removed when the biopsy sample was taken but they will do an outpatient surgery to remove the rest of the surrounding tissue just to be on the safe side and to test it further.

I am so thankful for a positive diagnosis for him. I could not bear to imagine something being wrong with him. He is my heart. I love him and I want the very best for him!

Thank you all for your prayers and faithfulness to our family! We are forever indebted to you all!

This little guy is a week (and one day) away from ONE!

And isn't he a doll! I Love this little guy!

He is so teeny tiny and it makes me smile. He has a fight in him that most grown men do not possess. A fight to get where he wants, a fight to push on even when it seems impossible and a fight to live life to the fullest.

There is never a dull moment with this cutie pie. And he has looks for DAYS. I don't think I have seen the same exact look on this little boys' face. Well maybe I have but it is VERY RARE! He has MANY!

He is at the bottom of the charts for everything but height. He is right at the middle for that. For his size he is TALL. But I guess for a one year old he is still tiny.

He is not a talker at all. He will babble off and on but nothing consistent. He can say Dada, nana, tuh tuh... um pretty much a buncha jibberish :). He can sign finally. Please, more, and all-done. He is a crawling fool and can pull up on EVERYTHING. He is still a little delayed in a few areas so we still see an ECI specialist. She has become our friend so we don't quite mind it any.

His final hearing is in a week and I am so happy to be at this leg of our journey with him.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and loving support you have shown to us and our family! We are blessed!

YAWN

As I emerge from my cave I want to tell you all hello.

To say I have been busy is an understatement. I am so glad I have friends that keep me up to date with the latest fashion and the best music or I would come out looking like a flash back singing tunes from the 80's.

I have basically taken off in the photography world and I am loving every minute of it. I am still building up to where I want to be but that will take time seeing I have 3 very young boys at home. AND an older one (0;

Where are we now... hmmm

J is getting established in his job fairly well. We have been seeing God's provision more and more and I cannot be more thankful. I have been humbled before many people, and as I am, God brings us to a new place of wisdom and blessing.

I am sure we are being judged somewhere... aren't we all. But all that matters is that we are where God has called us and we are being obedient to HIS call. Not to human standards. Let's face it, if we try to live up to human standards we will always fall short no matter who you are. And seeing I was pretty much BORN short I am at a HUGE disadvantage to start off with.

I have been snowed in with photo sessions and I couldn't be more happy. I get to do what I love and I am making money in this season that J is building jobs up. I basically plan all my shoots on the weekends so J is home with the boys. Then during the week I edit. He is home during the morning hours and does school with the boys. I edit in that time. Then we eat lunch together (that normally I come out and make) then the boys take a nap and I edit some more (I also do household chores in these edit times).

J then goes to work until the sun goes down. In that time (from 3 when they wake from naps) I am with my boys playing, loving and learning. Then dinner time. Bear pulls up a stool and helps with dinner. Moe helps wrangle Roo and plays with him to keep him content until Daddy gets home.

The boys are growing so much and they are so funny to watch interact.

We have had some issues with Bear and Moe being "loving" toward one another lately but that will pass as long as we stick to disciplining with a purpose and have an end goal in sight. I PRAY!

Bear is growing so mature and it kind of weirds me out a bit. I'm not gonna lie. I mean he has always been a bit advanced but he is even exceeding that in my mind. The kid can draw nearly as good as me and he has an interest in cameras now. I created he and Moe cameras last night using small boxes and toilet paper rolls. They LOVE them and it is so neat to see their minds working.

Bear can drive his tractor like none I have seen. It has 3 speeds. 1st 2nd and R. That thing NEVER sees 1st gear! It is high gear all the way unless he "has to" reverse! He goes near things just to maneuver around them. He will shout at Moe "Get out in front and ruuuun" BAHAHAHA I mean really. A running target even, Bear? Moe just laughs and plays along. It has a cart for hauling in the back and we have put Roo in it and made Bear keep it in 1st. So funny seeing Roo hanging onto the sides bobbling around in the back of a "trailer" smiling all the way.

He can already write all his alphabet and most of his numbers. He can tell you all their sounds and has even been working on the TH, SH, CH sounds. He can count to 20. He can spell simple words like CAT, HAT, DOG, RUN...etc... He loves to see the mechanics of things and all that entails. Even if that means taking things apart to better explore. mmmhhmmm. It's all for the cause right??!!??

He just turned THREE in October and I have no idea how much longer I can keep the charades going that I can teach him. He is going to outsmart me by the time he is 5! Then we will have to just ship him off to Italy to study abroad or something!

Moe is still grasping the whole speaking thing. He has been doing much better but still sounds VERY whiny when talking. I still think it is due to his tonsils staying swollen but when he turns 3 in march we will have that checked on again. Hopefully then they will just take them out. Not that I am one for QUICK fixes like that to solve all problems but his tonsils NEVER go down. They stay swollen and when he gets an infections they almost close off his throat. NOT GOOD. They said they cannot take tonsils out until they are at minimum 3 years old. Due to maturity level. Hmmmm not sure when the last time they were around a 3 year old was. Moe was calmer when he had just turned 2!

He can now say his entire alphabet and all their sounds. He can count to 10 and is now working on writing his alphabet. He loves to learn and explore too but in his own intricate ways. He loves to snuggle up with a good book and just "read" over and over again. I love hearing him read "Green Eggs and Ham" to me. SO Sweet. He has been pushing us away lately and it hurts my heart. If I go to snuggle him he will put his arms up or try to get down from my lap. I tell him to just sit and let me love him, he smiles and obliges for a SECOND and then tries again. I am not sure if it is just him trying to get adjusted (as we all are). This is the longest stretch he has been in our home over the 3 times he has been here.

The longest he was here was for 9 months and we are heading into month 10 now. So I wonder if he is just starting to push away for mental protection. (I know I am guilty of that myself) It is so hard... But God gives us the strength and we will press on.

Moe is still in CPS custody as in NOT in the adoptions unit where he was. We were supposed to have had him adopted on National Adoption Day which was the 19th of Nov.
That did not work. Dad's appeal is still in standing and nobody has made a move otherwise on it.

So we will wait. The song comes to mind "If You Say Go". (0: Thank you Jesus that "your ways our higher than our ways, and the plans that you have laid are good and true. If you call us to the fire you will not withdraw your hand. We'll gaze into the flames and look for you! If you say go, we will go. If you say wait, we will wait. If you say step out on the water and they say it can't be done, we'll fix our eyes on you and we will come."

Roo... sweet, sweet Roo. He is all over the place and a HUGE mess... end of story! haha
He is now 10 months old and pulls to standing on everything. He is cruising the scene constantly looking for an escape route. We put up barricades to keep him in a particular part of the LR and he has learned to wedge himself into the weak places to separate the barrier and then out the crawls with a HUGE grin on his face and many squeals. THEN Moe comes to me "'Roo' got out, 'Roo' got out" then he goes to pick him up and take him back with Roo screaming the whole way! HAHAHA OH MY WORD! I don't have any girls in this house but between he and Moe the DRAMA is never ceasing!

He has pretty much given up on baby food and wants whatever we are having. He constantly tries to be a big boy with the rest of them. If they are doing it, he wants in the middle of it. We broke his paci at 9 mos and he is a sippie fan now. I still give him a bottle for his formula but at a year I know I can take it away with no problems. He has two bottom teeth and loves to eat everything!

He is still my greatest snuggler. He is 20 lbs and is 29 in long! He is still tiny compared to where my other boys were at this age!

We got the call for a sweet baby girl the other day. She was 3.5 weeks old. Her mother tested positive for Meth when she was born and so she was having some complications. She was on an apnea monitor so that meant lots of supervision. Not something we have time for right now. Especially with the ages of our boys. I told the lady from our agency who called, "you come get 2 of these 3 boys and I will gladly take her!" haha Sadly we had to decline and trust that when the time is right God will bring back around our sweet baby girl!

We still keep in contact with "Miley's" 'new' family and we get to see pictures of her often. I cannot believe how big she has gotten. She looks so grown up now. Such a beautiful little girl!

As for now that's where we are and what we are up to. There's probably so much more but my memory is in high gear and just gets to the main points these days. Good thing, usually I can't remember anything!

If you haven't been you can go by and see some of my work that I have been busy with at briwachsmannphotography.blogspot.com OR facebook.com/briwachsmann

Hope you all are well and staying warm. We are totally warm here with 80 degree weather still! hmmm all supposed to change Thanksgiving day!

Happy Fall!