In this boat

I would give (almost) anything to be in a different situation with a LOT of things in our lives. But I am not. I am here in this boat, sitting, waiting, dreaming for something to be different.

I am by nature a doer. I see things that need to be done and I do them. God has been teaching me to be patient in waiting. For the things that I would change, I have NO control over. I cannot just go get things done, I have to wait, and wait patiently lest I go insane.

We are still in a waiting period with Moe. They held a frivilousness hearing recently (don't ask, I can't begin to explain what that is, but as silly as it sounds, it is real). Basically all that came from that is more waiting. The appeal has to play out and then we should be able to move on at that point. SHOULD is a very large word when it comes to us and all we've experienced.

Today was Roo's final hearing. I pretty much thought it was going to be cut and dried. Yeah, silly me.

He has been here since he was 7 days old. Straight from the hospital where his mother took one last look at him and has not seen him since.

The dad who was named was tested and denied father. The list was long but nobody was moving on it b.c mom was not signing an affidavit saying that was the final list.

Mom was recently terminated on, but they've found her and asked her who father is, yet again. She named a guy who she named in the beginning. Said guy is deceased. Not sure why they are just now finding it okay to try and track him down. I was told it's because they now have an address. Funny in a YEAR you couldn't find THAT address.

So today at his final hearing... it got pushed back until April. This will give them time to locate "mystery man" and serve him papers, have him tested to determine paternity and possibly give him a chance to step up or go home.

I am really sick of being in this boat. I threw the oars in over 5 miles ago. There's nothing I can do with them... I am just floating along, waiting.

On a good note. J went to his appointment today for the cancer. The dr told him that if you are going to have cancer this is the best kind to have. I guess that is a good thing. The kind that he has is not aggressive and does not grow in or out. It grows sideways (which is why I noticed his mole growing sideways across his skin and not out as a mole). They figure it was mostly removed when the biopsy sample was taken but they will do an outpatient surgery to remove the rest of the surrounding tissue just to be on the safe side and to test it further.

I am so thankful for a positive diagnosis for him. I could not bear to imagine something being wrong with him. He is my heart. I love him and I want the very best for him!

Thank you all for your prayers and faithfulness to our family! We are forever indebted to you all!