You know...those dreams

The ones where everything seems so real and you wake up looking for all that just happened to be staring you in the face.

Yeah that kind.

I had one last night and in this dream I had given birth to a baby. And it lived. I was getting to take it home and everything. My very own.

This morning I woke up and let's just say I am very heartbroken today. Depression is looming and I am fighting back tears. I am losing. I feel like such a failure...

Why do they have to be SO REAL. So real you can taste it, hold it, breathe it, take it home...

What is the purpose for dreams such as these. The devil is close by like a prowler lurking in the dark. He knows where I have been hit hardest and here he comes in my weakness to get that one final blow in that will bring me to my knees.

His prey, he has caught me.

OH LORD DELIVER ME FROM THE GRIPS OF THE ENEMY. DELIVER ME FROM THE PIT OF BROKENNESS AND DESPAIR. I fight back tears but they overtake me. I feel so defeated I just want to lay down and become dust yet again. I feel there is nothing left in me. I feel like I have given EVERYTHING and still I am being chased down again and again for another kill.

Wouldn't you think the enemy would get tired of chasing after someone so DEAD.

Then again maybe he is just waiting for the victory.

I will fight with a supernatural strength. Because when I can no longer stand up I will CRY OUT and HE, MY GOD, WILL hear my cries and HE will come in and FIGHT on MY behalf. HE will be the VICTORIOUS ONE!

And I, I will fall to my knees, humbled, broken and totally in awe of the ONE who LOVES me without fail. Even when I am weak and devoured. He will love me in this place.

What child labor laws?

First we start out with a bit of prayer, Bible reading (ignore that it is upside down) and worship. We even make sure Duke gets in on the action.

Then it is time for chores. Vacuuming the floors are first on the list.

Wow that is a hard day at work. Wake up Bear baby... next is laundry.

Fun find and pictures

I have been busy and I am sorry. I have shut out all things communicative basically and even some of my friends have been neglected. I am sorry for that as well. I have, however, been super productive on the home (photography) front.

I have been taking pictures for our foster families. We were on a mission to get all families within our foster agency photographed with their families before Christmas. We succeeded. I shot 35 total I believe. Some of us may not have any friends left or maybe even children that don't remember our names, but by golly we got to bless all the foster families with free portraits. Even Wal-Mart stepped up and printed free 8X10's for each of our families from the photo shoots. Our precious foster families have been blessed indeed!

It is hard to share with you some of the shoots I have been doing b.c we cannot post pictures of our foster children (in any family) but last Saturday I shot a family that I am friends with and a few weekends before that I shot another friend and her siblings. I am super excited and am having so much fun learning new techniques.

This first few are of my sweet friend Abigail. She wanted some pictures taken of her and her siblings for her parents for Christmas. I obliged. She is way too photogenic!! :) Such a cutie!



The second family (and the fun find part of my post) are the end result of my friend Candy's shoot with her two PRECIOUS kiddos! I mean I could no better hand pick such GREAT kids! They are so very polite, generous and very helpful. They are amazing and model after their amazing mother truly! I love this dear family.

(you see this fun green chair... It was sitting behind this "abandoned" building downtown and I asked the guy in charge of leasing the building 'because he just so happened to be there that day' if we could buy it from them. He said we could just have it!!! Thank you Jesus... so we used it for some fun RR track pictures!)

My sister and I also decided to shoot some pictures for our Mom and Dad(s) as well as our grandmothers.

Sorry for neglecting you all and hopefully now for a while I will have a bit of a time where I can share with you more and jump into blogging.

I do have 2 more families coming up this Saturday so hopefully after that I will have a bit of some down time to enjoy the Christmas season and all that entails for a little while before jumping into 2010.