You know...those dreams

The ones where everything seems so real and you wake up looking for all that just happened to be staring you in the face.

Yeah that kind.

I had one last night and in this dream I had given birth to a baby. And it lived. I was getting to take it home and everything. My very own.

This morning I woke up and let's just say I am very heartbroken today. Depression is looming and I am fighting back tears. I am losing. I feel like such a failure...

Why do they have to be SO REAL. So real you can taste it, hold it, breathe it, take it home...

What is the purpose for dreams such as these. The devil is close by like a prowler lurking in the dark. He knows where I have been hit hardest and here he comes in my weakness to get that one final blow in that will bring me to my knees.

His prey, he has caught me.

OH LORD DELIVER ME FROM THE GRIPS OF THE ENEMY. DELIVER ME FROM THE PIT OF BROKENNESS AND DESPAIR. I fight back tears but they overtake me. I feel so defeated I just want to lay down and become dust yet again. I feel there is nothing left in me. I feel like I have given EVERYTHING and still I am being chased down again and again for another kill.

Wouldn't you think the enemy would get tired of chasing after someone so DEAD.

Then again maybe he is just waiting for the victory.

I will fight with a supernatural strength. Because when I can no longer stand up I will CRY OUT and HE, MY GOD, WILL hear my cries and HE will come in and FIGHT on MY behalf. HE will be the VICTORIOUS ONE!

And I, I will fall to my knees, humbled, broken and totally in awe of the ONE who LOVES me without fail. Even when I am weak and devoured. He will love me in this place.