New News...

Not much else has gone on since Moe has left us. It has been going great. We still miss him and love him dearly but God is good in the way that he holds us up when we are too weak. I LOVE HIM!!! WE have heard that he is doing great so that is encouraging.

We are getting some good quality time in with Bear. He is learning all sorts of new things. He now will point to an eye and say "eye" (he's starting to move on to "nose" and "mouth" with pointing, he signs... please, all-done, and "more". He can tell you what a horse says. He is now experimenting with his foods... used to he would eat and that was that. He is a fairly clean eater ( I guess I had a lot to do with that... I hate unnecessary messes). Here recently he has been putting food in his mouth and then pulling it back out to look at it and then put it back in... hmmmm nice. I don't understand but I am sure this has something to do with his learning and exploring what is going on with his food. We let him do this to a point and then we make him eat his food. He is doing great at obeying, I can tell him to stop something and he will do it. I can ask him to give me whatever he has and he will hand it over (sometimes there has to be a little prompting but in the end he will relinquish). If he is going into the other room and he is supposed to be in a certain area I can tell him "come back in here please" and he will look at me and come crawling quickly with a huge grin. He has not learned however to clean his room after alone play time... Ü... we are learning though. It is fun teaching him and watching everything just fall into place. I love being his mother.

I found out yesterday that my brother in law and his wife are expecting their second child. hmmmmm I cannot tell you much about that b/c I feel like the Devil will just step in and take control of my tongue. I want to be excited for them and so I will choose silence as my weapon against the enemy.... HA! take that!
Their daughter was born on Oct 18 2007 and that was hard for me... I had just delivered and buried our third child and second little girl around Christmas of 06. So it was real tough to swallow that they were now a happy family with their very own new little baby girl. but I felt like everyone looked at me as though I was the bad guy... like I was being selfish because I didn't come around much and didn't have much to say when I was around "them"... What did they want really... I guess maybe they will never understand what it is like. Hopefully they will never have to experience what I have been through and what I go through every time I hear of a new mother giving birth or see a family having just had their own baby. But then again they will also not know what it is like to meet a newborn baby and know nothing about him/her but be their everything from that moment on and then have to raise them for someone else with unconditional love. That alone will allow you to see the face of God daily.
I enjoy what I do but I am still human and this news still hurts to the core. BUT: I will choose to put on a happy face and drink kindness by the cup full.

Where God was in my pain.... On October 18 2007.... Bear also was being born just 45 minutes before my new niece. (Amazing right!!!) One week later he would be coming home to us. We learned of him on the 24th and got him on the 25th. I am in pain now of the new news but I do know that God is bigger than this too. He will prove faithful to HIS daughter yet again. He will uphold me in this time. I was thinking earlier... "my sister is going to be having another baby and now My in-laws are pregnant again... hmmmm something big must be coming our way!" I have no idea where to place all my feelings but to take them to the foot of the cross and I have to choose to speak with a mellow tongue and kind spirit otherwise the enemy will come right in and steal my joy. So all that to say I am living in the Spirit right now by faith that HE will help me see joy and not sadness. HE is always so faithful when we give Him our all...

God is good all the time...

Here we are, second day into a three person, two dog family and it is going great. We miss Moe like crazy but we are doing amazingly well. God has been gracious and merciful with our hearts. He is so compassionate. I have been getting back into a Bri routine (cleaning, creative cooking, and keeping track on Bear's learning and signing. As well as getting all my projects completed... I have already finished two and am ready to start 'finish' the third. Then onto remodeling my kitchen and finishing Bear's room and the guest b/r... maybe I will do our b/r first. Hmmmm so many possibilities.)

It is so much easier without two infants to care for. Not that Moe was hard; he was so peaceful and could play alone all day if left to it. But I could not do that to him. He needed interaction and teaching as well, so that was time consuming as well as his feed/ nap schedule... It was a good one but not when you have another one that is coming off that schedule and now has different needs as a pre toddler. So all that to say that Moe is settling into a new family and a new life and we are settling back into life with one child. All is well.

I heard from Moe's caseworker who drove him to his new family and she said that he fit right in. She said that he didn't cry and/or act afraid. She said he laid on the aunt (whom he originally started his newborn life with along side his mother before he was brought here by another family member and got removed by CPS.). I cried thinking this is probably really good for her heart to get to see him again now too. SO sweet. I am happy to know that he is doing great and will be in a good setting. Now when I think of the things I said about waiting for them to mess up and him coming back to us seems so selfish and dark. In the moment it felt right to say those awful things out of hurt and confusion but now I feel as though we were the catalyst that prepared him for the next phase of his life, keeping him safe and taking good care of him and instilling God into his little life; and we are now praying that God would continue to work in him and use him for HIS GLORY... NOT OURS! We pray that the parents could get their acts together and see what they have in Moe. We also pray that until that day comes that he would have all his needs met and all the love he could ask for as a child.

Thank you for all your prayers. God is good all the time. WE didn't see anything good that could come of this but now it just feels right. We are definitely on the right track.

Bittersweet...

We are now with one child. Not that that is a bad thing, it is just going to take some time getting used to the new routine around our home. It all seems so surreal; Like he is just away for a time but every time I think of putting him in his car seat in the CPS car I think of the fact that I will never see that sweet little face again. It breaks my heart and I have wept good and hard but I do know that God is bigger and he has great things in store for Moe. I am still praying that the new family will see fit to send updates and pictures. Maybe Johnny and I can even take a trip to Houston sometime to visit.
I am having to pack up the little things here that stayed behind... I tell you it doesn't get more real than when you go to his little crib and he is not in there and you think "he will never lie down in that bed again... we will never see him in there again or he will never play with these toys again." It is sobering. My arms miss him and my heart longs to hold him again and see that sweet smile. I have missed him all day. We went out to lunch together, just the 3 of us after Moe left and ran some errands in town and it was definitely a lot easier with one infant but subconsciously I would go to his car door to get him out and there was nothing to get but Bears sippy cup.
I know this is probably depressing to some of you; and to some of you you are thinking, How can she do it... It is prayer that is helping us face this season of life. And we do appreciate you and your prayer support. We would fail to stand strong if it were not for your standing in the gap on our behalf when we are too weak. We will be okay; We will make it through this too. God never gives us more than we can handle and for that I am thankful.
We are now looking forward to the Sept 9 final termination hearing for Bear. God please see us fit to adopt Bear and raise him as our own. This is going to take some strength to get through this as well. We are going to be meeting with the bio mom (we've never so much as seen her yet) and her attorney face to face to discuss mediation and what she would like to get out of his adoption. hmmmmm we will see what happens with that. For now that is what we have to focus on and pray through. It will be a little easier now with just Bear to focus on seeing that he is going through this dramatic phase of life. (By the way I am taking any and all suggestions on how to deal with a 10 month old BOY Ü ! WOW!!!)
We will continue fostering infants after this is all said and done. No, this is not easy but when is it that God calls you to do something EASY that is for HIS GLORY!!! I have always heard that if you do not have to work hard at getting it then it is usually not worth having. It is now that we will see the goodness of God; when everything realistically seems that it could, in no way, be good. "God let your Glory fall... as on that ancient day. "