yes it's a sad post... but it's okay

I am having a rough day. I admit it. Usually the one or two days following the "goodbye" is pretty calm (shock, denial)... but then the third day hits! I guess technically it is the 2nd day without her here but whatever... it still creeps in.

I miss her laugh, I miss her squeals and talking, I miss her petite little self all kicking and rolling around. I miss her smells and her smiles. I MISS HER. I miss holding her. I miss kissing her plump cheeks. I miss snuggling her and holding her when she was sleepy. I miss watching her laugh at her "brother" and Duke and Charlie (cat). I MISS HER!


I hear she is doing great. I hear that she is getting spoiled and that is pleasing. It still hurts all the same. I know she is in a great place and I know she will be fine (as will we all) but it does not take the pain out of the equation. I am jealous ( I know it is wrong to be jealous... I am a sinner... i repent) I want to be the one getting to LOVE on her and KISS her sweet face and HOLDING her all day. Fact is.. nothing is going to change. I HAVE to get a grip and change my heart. I do need help. I do need lots of prayer and I do need lots of help from the HOLY SPIRIT!

I know as the days go on the pain will become more faint and I will remember only certain things and not EVERY DETAIL! But for now it is still very fresh and very real and I miss her like nothing else.

Tonight Bear wanted to take a lovey to her that got left behind. Trying to explain to him that she is not in her room was very hard. He didn't seem to be affected by it really but for a mother it was hard HAVING to explain it!

I have talked to the new mommy and I do like her a lot. We have so much in common and I have a feeling that we will be friends for a VERY long time :). I am blessed to know our little Miley Bird is in good hands... GOD's hands are never hurtful. We have been blessed even in the midst of our pain.