Wonderful teachers

Thank you all who have aided me in feeding Moe. You truly have all been an inspiration to not give up on him and to keep trying. Most importantly I will just continue to love on him.
I tried feeding him again tonight but he absolutely refuses anything getting between his top and bottom lips. He tight lipped turns his head and pushes you away with his hand. Then he looks at you so sweetly and smiles. WHAT IS THAT! Hmmmm I could read into this as defiance but I will give it many more tries before I write it off as bad behavior. I really would like to get some information from those people to see what he is used to. It would make life a heck of a lot easier. When I leave the room with him on the floor playing (we have a very open floor plan so I can still see him over the sofa in the LR from the kitchen) he starts whining. Bear will go and give him a toy or squat down to be on his level and talk to him in his face. TOO precious! I love that little man.

I am confused to whether we need to be breaking a bad "attached at the hip" issue and encourage "alone time" or if he was always left alone and he is needing me to be in there with him a lot more. I am so used to being able to do the things I need to get done all within the day and now I am not sure how to deal with this child who NEEDS me. I mean we are doing play time and spending time together and it goes great (thanks for all those encouragements as well) but when it is time for alone time... Moe cries and doesn't want to be alone. I feel very tied down to sitting in front of him and just watching him smile. Not a bad thing except I have another baby wandering the house that needs me too.

I promise I am not always this hopeless... I can tie my own shoelaces! And yes I know my name (most days)!

It is getting better I believe. I have just got to dedicate my life to making this transition as smooth and comfortable as possible and for me that means slowing down! UUUGggghhhhhh! Okay I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! I NEED STRENGTH TO DO THOSE THINGS GOD!

Have a peaceful and blessed evening!

Day 4 with Moe

** This post is like my brain... halfway there and all over the place! **

I am not sure how this arrangement worked out the first time. Oh yes, I do! Bear was like 6 months old when we got Moe at 6 weeks old. It was simple back then. NOW, not so simple. I think it is just going to take some getting back into the swing of things before it is all "normal" again. I am working on someone else's watch here. When Moe left (5 months old) he was eating cereal and working on jarred baby foods. He loved eating and NOW it is an act of God to get him to open his mouth for a spoon or anything but a bottle. I am confused as to if something is wrong with his mouth or if they just simply did nothing other than give him a bottle. So now I am having to incorporate teaching him to "eat" food as well as getting Bear's meals ready and teaching him how to use his utensils. HO HUM! Oh yeah and I still have to eat, so I have been told!

I have been talking to a health coach and we are talking through my weight loss stuff... Come to find out I am "gaining" because I am NOT eating. Imagine that... if it can go backwards it will belong to me! I am not really gaining but I can't lose what I have. Apparently when you don't eat your body holds on to everything you DO eat and stores it as fat so that it does not fade, so to speak. I have tried talking this out with my body... I AM NOT GOING TO STARVE TO DEATH! It is not listening... I just don't feel hungry and when I do it is usually too late and then I still don't have time to eat. OH WHATEVER! uggghhhh. hahahhahaha... yep, losing it! my mind not weight! hahahaha.

So correct me if I am wrong... PLEASE! Can a 9 month old live off formula alone? And how often should they be given an 8 oz bottle? I mean it would be completely easier to just pop in a bottle and go but I think they need more than that don't they? I would like him to be eating real food by the time he is a year old. I am not going to formula feed past 1 year. I don't even like that he is so ademate about his bottle. He refuses to drink out of a sippie and/or anything but... You guessed it HIS BOTTLE!
We started Bear on a sippie at 6 months old and by 8 months he was completely off the bottle and of course at 1 year he was completely eating food and drinking whole milk. I know he is not the rule but it is something that I know children CAN do if given the opportunity and guidance. I guess I sound really harsh but I am just trying to get him to strive instead of being okay with status quo. I think it is just that being a foster parent you want the agencies and CPS to see how good of a job the children can do in your care. You always strive to be better than just the norm. Well I do anyway. I have a fear that they will remove "our" children if we are not ahead of the game and then we will have nothing... well no children anyway. I think that is why I am so gung ho with teaching them and getting them to that next mile marker.

Honestly I think the agencies are okay if we don't have them playing in the street or petting the mice/rats that come through the gaping holes in the walls... But it is just an image in my head that all has to be better than it is. Wow... that hits home! I think I can hear my father's voice coming from my mouth! Scary! Maybe it is time to clean out that closet! "I don't have to be so strict or demanding of perfection!" repeat that with me, "I don't have to be so strict or demanding of perfection!" Okay God I have realized it, now if you would be so kind as to work on my heart in this area. Thank you Jesus!

Okay so welcome back seasoned teachers and come on in... I am needing a day 2 of 101... I promise one day soon it will be back to good and my house will not be run by the dog and the kitten chasing eachother around the Christmas tree and the snotty nosed babies crying because I can't hold them at the same time. BUT, until that day what's a mother to do?

'Nother Monday

So here we are with another monday. Why is there such an abundance of Mondays... It's like they are stored somewhere and all of a sudden there it is shining at your front door. "GO AWAY" screams my "welcome" mat!

So we welcome it because what else can you really do? I just welcome it real slowly and by the end of the day when the boys are in bed i fully let it in. YES just in time for it to be over! It is just the getting into the routine of things I think. It seems that everything has to take place on Mondays. Phone calls, shopping, diapers (kidding that's everyday right??)... well at least all the phone calls...and catching up on all the weekend mishaps.

It is going to be a great monday RIGHT!!! I am going to change my attitude right now toward it. I think! Wait both boys are now sick. MOE came with a real bad cough and a bad runny nose. So now Bear has it! UGGGHHHHH! Welcome Monday!